


loving you is all i know

by veronicabunch



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 06:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronicabunch/pseuds/veronicabunch
Summary: Shitty grabs another Lysol wipe to clean the top of his fireplace, only pausing a moment when he picks up a photo frame to wipe underneath it. His heart squeezes tight as he closes his eyes to remember.He remembers how hard they’d laughed that day. They’d gone to the local county fair, rode a bunch of shitty rides, ate too much cotton candy and mini-doughnuts, and wasted a rocket of fries by having a food war. Shitty had walked around with Lardo–well, Larissa, he supposes she goes by now–on his shoulders. She’d ruffled his hair, and sometimes she’d cover his eyes with her tiny hands.--Or the one where Lardo leaves to explore the world and Shitty never stopped loving her. Also, Jack and Bitty are parents.





	loving you is all i know

**x x x**

 

Shitty grabs another Lysol wipe to clean the top of his fireplace, only pausing a moment when he picks up a photo frame to wipe underneath it. His heart squeezes tight as he closes his eyes to remember.

He remembers how hard they’d laughed that day. They’d gone to the local county fair, rode a bunch of shitty rides, ate too much cotton candy and mini-doughnuts, and wasted a rocket of fries by having a food war. Shitty had walked around with Lardo–well, Larissa, he supposes she goes by now–on his shoulders. She’d ruffled his hair, and sometimes she’d cover his eyes with her tiny hands.

The photo had been taken by Eric, who had been with Jack at the time. As friends, of course. As if anyone had thought that for a second. Eric had been laughing at them, and Larissa had been challenging them to a race. Her and Shitty against Eric on Jack’s shoulders. Of course, the boys had hopped on the opportunity immediately. Shitty and Larissa had won, but Shitty’s pretty sure that’s only because Jack realized that he had to  _touch_  Eric to keep him steady.

They hadn’t been as comfortable touching one another as Larissa and Shitty had been. Fuck, Shitty remembers that he’d often have to get himself untangled from Larissa without realizing they’d become tangled together to begin with. Touching her had been as natural as breathing, and sometimes, he still finds himself reaching out for her.

So Eric had taken the photo of them; Lardo on Shitty’s shoulders, both of them smiling because they’d kicked butt together as a team. Lardo’s arms were spread out wide, a cotton candy stick in one hand. Shitty has his palms against her thighs, holding her steady.

Shitty had liked the photo so much, he had it professionally printed and framed.

It’s been almost ten years since that day. He takes the cloth over the glass, clearing off the dust. Something stirs within him, as though the ache of missing Lariasa has been woken again. Although, Larissa isn’t someone that a person ever stops missing.

Sometimes the guys ask him why he never replaced photos of Larissa around his place, but Shitty couldn’t tell them that just because she was out of his life, didn’t mean she was out of his heart. He knows it’s a little pathetic, keeping basically a small shrine in her honour. But he has no shame. Larissa Duan is a huge reason he’s become the man he is today. He can’t forget that. Not ever.

Shitty carries on with his house cleaning, but he spends the rest of the day wondering how she’s doing. She’s probably married with a kid or two by now. She would’ve just turned thirty-two last month. Shitty rubs the back of his neck when he’s finished dusting the entire house. He wonders if she ever thinks of him. If she ever misses him. Probably not.

A woman like Larissa Duan loves and loves fully in the moment. She doesn’t hold onto the past, doesn’t keep it close to her heart, and she definitely doesn’t remember every moment they spent together before she falls asleep some nights. Shitty can only hope that she’s happy, wherever she may have ended up. The last time he’d seen her, she’d been getting on a plane, about to travel around Europe.

The last words she’d spoken to him had been,  _“Knight, I love you. I love you, and I hope you don’t forget about me. I’ll be home someday.”_

Except her one-year travel plans turned into an extra six months, then another two years, and eventually, they fell out of touch. Shitty had clung to those words for the longest time.  _I’ll be home someday._  Someday, it seems, never came.

Shitty sprawls out on his couch, flicks on the TV, searches for something to watch on Netflix, and eventually, passes out.

 

**x x x**

“Shitty, dude,  _wake up._  I brought you pie,” Eric says, shoving Shitty’s shoulder. He yawns, popping his eyes open slowly. “Did you sleep out here all night?”

“Must’ve,” Shitty mumbles. He sits up, rubs his eyes, and takes a deep breath. The scent of Eric’s pie makes him wake up a little faster. “Ah, Jack left?”

“Four o’clock this morning,” Eric confirms. He makes his way into Shitty’s kitchen, and Shitty slowly follows him. It’s a routine now - Eric comes over with Shitty’s favourite pie when Jack flies out for his next game, and they spend the morning talking. Then Eric runs over to Jack’s parents place to pick up his two kids. The fact that Eric and Jack are dads always makes Shitty’s heart clench. He’d always wanted kids, but he’ll settle for being the Cool Uncle Shitty.

He is the  _best_  Cool Uncle Shitty.

Shitty yawns as he climbs onto the bar stool.

“You cleaned,” Eric states.

“Yeah. Well. The boys are coming over tomorrow, right?” Shitty asks, smiling slightly. “Had to ensure it was tidy so they have something to make messy, y’know.”

Eric laughs. Then he pauses and says, “So, actually, Junior wants to be called Jackie. And now uses she/her pronouns.”

Shitty grins. “She finally told you, eh?”

“You knew?!”

“Of course! I’m Cool Uncle Shitty.”

Eric picks up a tea towel and throws it at Shitty’s face. “God, you should’ve given us a warning. She was in tears when she came to tell us that she didn’t think she could be a Jack the second. We were so confused, and thought it was about the pressure of living up to the name. We spent like twenty minutes giving her advice!”

“How’d she clue you in?” Shitty asks.

Eric snorts. “The little rat just shouted,  _‘Daddies, I’m a girl!’_ Then she cried really hard, so we spent the rest of the afternoon trying to convince her that we love her no matter what.”

Shitty smiles. “I know she doesn’t share your DNA, but god, she has so much of you and Jack in her.”

Eric beams. “Anyway, I actually can’t stay this morning for our usual chat. I have to go pick them up, because Jackie decided to tell the grandparents herself today.”

“Wow. Brave kid, you’ve got there. How does Jude feel about it?” Shitty asks him. Eric shrugs, before he grabs Shitty a plate for the pie.

“To be honest, I think Jude’s known a lot longer than even Jackie did. I mean, the kid’s smart.” Eric sounds so proud, and Shitty can’t blame him. Jude is about to turn ten and he’s quick as a whip. Jackie’s only six years old, but they’ve been inseparable ever since they came to be part of the Zimmerman family household.

They’d been in the middle of the adoption process for Jackie when their social worker had asked if they could take Jude in for a weekend. He never left after that; he’d become theirs. They’d gone from no children to two in a month. Shitty had spent a lot of time at their place, constantly babysitting, helping fix up their old barn house into something sturdier, and he’d fallen in love with the two kids. They make the world a brighter place, and Shitty tries to remind them of that as often as possible.

Fuck knows that his parents hadn’t done the same thing. They’d just ignored him. He hadn’t decided to become a doctor or an accountant, and therefore, his parents couldn’t care less about him. They forget his birthday  _every_  year. Shitty knows that the same can never be said for Jackie and Jude. Those kids are surrounded by love and lightness. If Shitty could help them grow into incredible people, he’d do everything in his power.

When Eric and Jack had started talking about maybe adopting or maybe becoming foster parents, Shitty had realized that this is something he wanted to do. He’d gone back to school - only a three-year program - and then got hired as a social worker down at the local shelter.

He thinks of how much the kids would get a kick out of Larissa. Shitty’s lips twitch upwards in one corner. Jackie would ask Larissa  _so_  many questions about being a girl, and how she can convince her dads to allow her to dye her hair. 

Jude would want to know all the facts and stats about hockey. While the men could all rattle off any fact or stat related to hockey, Shitty’s sure that Jude would get a kick out of Larissa’s sharp mind. He’d probably quiz her until she started quizzing him right back. They’d have great debates, and Jackie would roll her eyes at Shitty as if he wouldn’t be amused as hell.

It’d helped keep his mind off missing Larissa. Mostly. Sort of. Okay, honestly, not at all. Part of him had wondered what it’d be like if he and Larissa had actually gotten together. Would they have become a family? Had two kids on their own? Would they…

“Hey, Shitty?” Eric asks, interrupting Shitty’s thoughts. It’s just as well, because this was a dark hole he’d never get out of otherwise. Eric’s almost at the door - he must be leaving now. Shitty nods in acknowledgement. “Thanks for being someone my kids can trust.”

“You got it, man. I love you guys.”

“I know.” Eric gives him a quick hug when Shitty walks over to him, and then heads down the hall. Before Shitty hears the door open, there’s a knock on the door. “I’ll get it!”

Shitty walks towards the front anyway; only freezing when he hears Eric’s voice crack.

“Lar–Lardo?” Eric asks.

He can’t see her, because Eric is blocking the view. But he hears her name and has to put his hand on the hall table to steady himself. Eric glances back at Shitty, eyes wide, and then stammers something to Larissa. He’s gone in an instant, and Larissa is standing there.

She has a suit case that’s half her size, a massive leather jacket wrapped around her, a pair of combat boots, smudged makeup, and tears in her eyes. Shitty doesn’t know where to look first.

Larissa hiccups - the kind when you’ve been crying for so long and you can’t seem to catch your breath - before she says, “I just really need a hug right now.”

He doesn’t hesitate, although maybe he should. Shitty closes the space between them, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He holds her head close to his chest, and she collapses against him. The sobs escape her fast and hard. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do, but he nods at Eric who is waiting to see if they’re okay.

Eric gives him a small salute and a look that says he’ll be calling later.

Shitty strokes her hair with his hand, wishing that he could take away whatever pain she’s in. He presses his nose into her hair and breathes. He doesn’t care how creepy it might be. He hasn’t smelled Larissa in seven years. It smells like home.

He can’t believe she’s  _here._  She’s actually here. It makes him a little embarrassed to think of how much he’d been imagining their life together if he’d only told her that he was in love with her back then. Now that she’s here, and all grown up, Shitty knows that it can never go back to the way it once was.

When she calms down long enough, Shitty grabs her suit case and leads her into the living room. He sits down on the couch, and she hovers for a moment. Then she curls up beside him, and rests her head in his lap. He strokes her hair again, surprised she’d let it grow out so long. She’d always looked badass with shorter hair - or when she’d done the under cut.

He couldn’t say how long they stayed like that, but eventually, Larissa quieted down and stopped crying. When she did, Shitty realized that she’d passed out. They hadn’t said anything to each other - except her telling him that she needed a hug - but somehow, that doesn’t matter to him. Not now, anyway.

He slides out from under her head and slips a pillow there instead. Shitty grabs a blanket and covers her, tucking her in the way he used to. Shitty stares at her. She now has a thin, but long, scar that runs along her cheek. Larissa’s face might look a little older, and her hair might be a little longer, but he could tell she hadn’t changed that much.

Shitty spends the next half-hour taking stuff out of her suitcase and putting it into the drawers of the guest bedroom. It might be a little presumptuous to think she’d be staying, but Shitty didn’t want to give her an excuse to leave.

A piece of him had finally come home.

 

**x x x**

 

Shitty’s sitting with Jackie and Jude in the kitchen when Larissa finally stirs awake. She hovers in the door frame, with the blanket wrapped around her, and the messy hair that makes Shitty wish he had a camera to show the boys. Her eyes widen when she realizes there are kids there. “I didn’t know–”

“Larissa, meet Eric and Jack’s kids. This is Jude, ten years old going on fifty-two, and this is Jackie. She/her pronouns.”

“Nice to meet you both,” she says politely.

“Are you Aunt Lardo?” Jude asks, blunt and to the point. Shitty snorts, shaking his head.

“Uh, yes, but…yes. You can call me Lardo or Larissa. Just not Rissa.” She joins them at the table. “So is Uncle…Knight babysitting you today?”

“Uncle  _Shitty_  is. He was thinking of taking us to the zoo!” Jackie says, with a bright grin.

Larissa meets Shitty’s eyes, amusement dancing in them. “Uncle Shitty, huh?”

“The boys are pretty bad at breaking habits, so they all gave up,” Shitty says, with a shrug. “Want to come to the zoo with us, Aunt Lardo?”

She nods. “Do I have time to change?”

“Only if you change like Uncle Shitty does,” Jude informs her. “Uncle Parse takes  _forever_  to get ready, and so Uncle Tater is always yelling at him.”

She doesn’t ask, just meets Shitty’s eyes.

“I put your stuff in the guest room. Up the stairs, second door on your right.” Shitty tilts his head, watching her slip away to get ready.

Jackie looks up at Shitty. “You’re in love with her.”

“What?”

“You are!” Jackie squeals, clapping her hands together. “You look at her like our daddies look at each other.”

“No, no, it’s not like that, Jackie…”

“It’s  _exactly_ like that,” Jude tells him. “Jackie’s right. You totally want to mush her and stuff.”

“…mush her?” Shitty tilts his head.

“You know.” Then Jackie rubs her hands together. “Kissing and stuff. All the mushy stuff. You want to mush her.”

“You two are far too smart for your ages,” Shitty murmurs. He ruffles Jackie’s hair. “So, have I told you how proud I am that you told your parents  _and_  your grandparents in the same weekend?”

Jackie’s face lights up with delight. “Not enough.”

Shitty laughs, and pulls Jackie up onto his lap. “You’re braver than a lot of people, Jacks. Think you’re going to become president one day?”

Jackie shakes her head. “No. I’m going to be an…ast…a…I’m going to fly to the moon!”

Shitty grins, and Jude sits up straighter. He’s got to show off. “That’s an astro…naught.”

“Yes!” Jackie says, smiling. “I’ll wave at you when I’m up there. And you better wave back, Jude!”

“You won’t know if I do or not. You’ll be too far away,” Jude points out.

“Oh, I’ll know,” Jackie says in a tone that definitely sounds like Kent’s. Shitty laughs. These kids might spend too much time around the hockey guys.

“Ready!” Larissa calls out from the living room. Shitty’s heart squeezes at the sound of her voice. He has so many questions for her, but first things first. He’s got to be Cool Uncle Shitty to his favourite little humans.

“Well, kiddos, that’s our cue!”

 

**x x x**

 

“Jude! Look, lions!”

Shitty keeps his eyes on the kids when he asks Larissa the Big Question of the Year. He’s afraid to look at her now, so he focuses on how Jackie drags her older brother around. Not that Jude seems to mind much. “Why are you here?”

Larissa had been very quiet on the car ride over, and she hadn’t said much in the last half-hour of walking through the zoo. But she’d bought them all cotton candy, and something in her expression told him she was thinking of the county fair too.

She falls in step beside him before answering. “It was time to come home.”

Shitty glances at her now. “How long are you staying?”

“Well, when I went to hunt down my suitcase, I discovered you’d unpacked my stuff into your spare room.” Larissa’s fidgeting with something in her hands. “So, I was hoping that meant you’d be okay if I hung around for a bit? Like two weeks max.”

Shitty sighs. “Yeah. It’s alright.”

_Stay forever. Come home and be home with me._

“Thanks for, y’know. Everything. I know this must be confusing to you…” Larissa lets her thought trail off for a moment.

“How was the travelling? Where did you go?” Shitty asks. He listens intently, keeping his eyes on the Zimmerman kids, and makes comments only when there’s a long enough pause. Larissa tells him all about the different experiences she had, the different places she chose to stay for six months or so, and she sounds happy the entire time she speaks.

They’re walking up to the polar bear exhibit when Shitty finally gets the courage to ask, “Why now?”

Larissa lifts her head and looks at him. Shitty picks up Jackie to put her on his shoulders, and Larissa lifts Jude up onto a rock. They look down into the polar bear exhibit, and Shitty can’t make himself look away. He doesn’t want to know what expression Larrisa wears.

“Because I almost died.”

“What?” Shitty asks, glancing at her now. He has to shift his entire body to see her over Jackie’s leg.

“I almost died. I was rock climbing, and I missed my footing, and I slipped, and I just…I got lucky. And I realized that I didn’t want to be out doing all these crazy things. I wanted to come home each night and feel safe.” Larissa doesn’t say much once they decide to move on to the next exhibit.

Jackie gets down from Shitty’s shoulders and grabs Jude’s hand. She’s pulling him down the path, and while Jude looks a little put off by it, he’s a proud Big Brother. So Jude makes sure that his sister doesn’t fall on her face when she stumbles, and asks her if she’s okay.

Shitty nods. “Things changed while you were gone.”

“I know. Um…can I ask? Are you seeing anyone or married or…?”

“Single,” Shitty answers. “You know me, never one to settle down. Love them all, as I say. Love ‘em well.”

“Shitty, I–”

“Not here,” Shitty tells her. Then he jogs ahead so he can scoop Jude up and swing him around in a circle.

“Duddddde!” Jude shouts, but he’s laughing.

“Don’t let your dads hear you say that, dude,” Shitty teases when he sets Jude down.

“I know, I know. Calling people dude isn’t polite. But seriously.  _Dude.”_

Shitty laughs. Larissa watches them, and then Jackie’s tugging on Shitty’s hand to take a different path.

 

**x x x**

“You babysit them every Sunday?” Larissa asks after Shitty drops them off at Eric’s place. They’re driving home, a bit later than he’s used to. That’s only because Eric wanted to know what the hell is going on, not that Shitty really knows anything.

He nods. “Yep. Kent and Alexei usually babysit on Tuesdays or Thursdays. They spend their Saturday mornings at Jack’s parents’ place. Eric’s parents get them one weekend every two months. And uh. Oh! Rans and Holster get them once every three weeks.”

“Wow.”

“It takes a village,” Shitty jokes. “But no, it’s just because everyone loves them so much that they want to spend time with them. Besides, Eric and Jack’s relationship is now a lot of temporary-long-distance, so whenever Jack’s in town, we like to allow them an evening or two to make the best of it. But Jack’s a great dad. He’s not always gone. And sometimes, he flies Eric and the kids out to watch him play.”

Shitty is fully aware he’s rambling, but he can’t stop himself. Lardo just looks so…lost. He wants to cup her face, look her in the eyes, and tell her everything is going to be alright. But he can’t. Not now. Not after all this time has passed. It’ll never be the same, and Shitty isn’t sure he’d want it to be.

Without looking at her, Shitty takes a right turn onto his street. Lardo doesn’t reply, and Shitty’s not sure he wants her to.

It’s only when they’re getting out of the car in the driveway that Lardo has something to say. “I didn’t know how to come back.”

Shitty looks up at her, pausing on the other side of the hood of the car. He needs this forced space right now, otherwise he’s afraid he’d run to her. Lardo fidgets with the bottom of her shirt.

“I wanted to, Shitty, I did. I just…so much time had passed. I wasn’t sure how I’d be received. Or if people were angry at me. I just…I didn’t know how to come back.”

“Well,” Shitty says, his voice a little harsher than he wants it to be. “Not like this, Larissa. You shouldn’t have come back like this.”

Then he forces himself to walk to the front door.

 _That’s all she has to say for herself?_  She didn’t know how to come back to people who love her? She didn’t know how to come back to her friends, her  _family_ , to…she didn’t know how to come back to Shitty. She had doubted that he - and everyone else, for that matter - would accept her back with open arms. She’d doubted them? She’d doubted him?  _How could she?_

Lardo only moves after he’s unlocked the door, and lets it slam close behind him. He doesn’t hang around to see if she has anything else to say; instead, he goes into his bedroom, shuts the door, and counts to three over and over again until his heartbeat starts to calm down.

Because if anyone could make him want to instantly forgive them, it’d be Lardo. But Shitty wants to stand his ground. What Lardo did to him wasn’t fair. What she had said to him before she’d left hadn’t been wasn’t fair. She couldn’t waltz back in here and everything would be magically okay again.

Except it is. Shitty looks down at the bad-habit breaking elastic band on his wrist. He hadn’t felt like a smoke since she arrived. He hadn’t snapped the band once.

Lardo makes his life better.

She makes  _him_  better. 

She was gone.

But now? Now, she’s back. And Shitty is being a dick by holding onto a grudge that he doesn’t even care about anymore. Lardo is  _here._  She’s here, and Shitty doesn’t feel lost anymore. He spent the whole day with her and the kids, and he didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Instead, he felt tension ease out of his body over the day.

Even now, when he’s freaking out, his shoulders aren’t tense. Hell, his chest has relaxed for the first time in probably  _years_  and it aches a little because of it.

Shitty spins around, yanks his bedroom door open, and rushes down the hall. He pushes Lardo’s bedroom door open and sees that she’s carefully putting her clothing in her suitcase.

His heart falls.

“What are you doing?”

She turns around, lifting her face to look at him. “What am I–I’m–I’m leaving. I thought…”

“Yeah, well. You thought wrong. I’m upset with you,  _yes._  I hate that you left me. I hate that you said what you said before you left. I hate that we haven’t talked in so long. But I missed you more than any of that. I want to spend the rest of the evening with my best friend, curled up on the couch. What do you say?”

Lardo’s lips part. He can see the tears in her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall. With a small nod, she says, “Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’d like that a lot.”

Shitty takes a deep breath before he reaches his hand out to her. Lardo doesn’t say anything; she just puts her hand in his and lets him lead her to the living room.

They don’t talk much that night. And Shitty knows eventually they’re going to have to figure it out. But for right now? It feels really good to wrap his arms around his best friend.

 

**x x x**

“Shitty,” Lardo’s voice comes softly, hot air brushing against his ear. He almost shivers from anticipation. Then there’s a little nudge. Confused, he opens his eyes. Oh. It was not going to be a sex dream about Larissa. Because she’s right there, lying on top of him.

He blinks twice, hard, and takes a deep breath. Yep. She’s really here. It wasn’t a dream. She runs her hand up his side and finds the top button on his shirt. She plays with it, not quite undoing it.

“I fell asleep.”

“Yeah.” Larissa’s eyes flash with something. Something he can’t recognize. “You haven’t changed, have you?”

He frowns. “Yes, I have. I–”

“I mean your core. Who you are at the very core…hasn’t changed.” Larissa lowers her eyes, focusing on the button she’s playing with. “No matter what, you’re always such a great friend. Understanding, caring, reliable. You ask for so little in return. You’re still great with kids, and you still know what I need before I know I need it myself. You…you’re selfless and loving and you’d do anything for anyone you care about.”

Shitty’s eyebrows come together. “Well, uh, thank you for the compliments, but I’m not sure I understand where this is all coming from.”

“My core changed,” Larissa whispers, her voice catching. He sees the tears that she’s holding back, and before he can talk himself out of it, he brushes her hair from her face. “My core change. I’m not the same person you knew. I’m…I…”

He strokes his thumb over her cheek. “Larissa–”

“Lardo. God, please call me Lardo. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for years. Every penny tossed, every eyelash found, every shooting star…I just want to hear you call me my name again.”

Shitty’s heart aches. Not just for himself, not just for her. For  _them._  He tries to swallow the lump that’s building his his throat. “Lardo. Lardo, Lardo, Lardo.”

The sobs break out again. She buries her face into his chest, clinging to his shirt. He rubs her arms, her back, any part he can reach. He just wants her to know he’s here. She’s not alone. She’s never going to be alone again. No one will hurt her.

“I’m here, Lardo. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why did I have to ruin everything?” Lardo manages to say. At least, that’s what Shitty hears anyway. He squeezes his arms around her, kissing the top of her head, and glancing at the photo he’d been thinking of just yesterday.

“Why did–”

“Shhh,” Shitty whispers, rubbing her back with one hand, and moving her wet hair from her face with the other. “I’m here. I’ve got you. Let it all out. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

He lets her sob her heart out. Once again, she falls asleep. This time, he carefully slips out from under her. And, as if their bodies never forgot the routine, he scoops her into his arms as gently as possible. Then he carries her upstairs to his guest bedroom.

Shitty remembers tucking her in. Before it had usually been because she overworked herself, or she poured too many emotions into an art piece, or she just couldn’t stay up long enough to finish their second movie.  He makes sure her feet are covered, and then he takes off his sweater.

Maybe she thinks her core has changed, become broken or damaged, or unrecognizable. But Shitty knows that’s not true at all. In the middle of the night, Lardo would wake up and tear off all her clothes. She’d strip down into nothing but a pair of undies and a sweater. It had been her favourite kind of sleepwear in the past. He really hopes she hasn’t outgrown that, because he wants to see her in his sweater again.

He steals a quick kiss on her forehead before slipping out of the room.

 

**x x x**

Shitty assumed he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that Lardo was in the next room, but he hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep in a long while. He gets up, goes through his usual morning routine, and answers some texts.

 

 **BITS:** _i need an update_  
**BITS:** _or six_  
**BITS:** _shiiiiittyyyy!!! are you okay???_  
**BITS:** _is she still there?_  
**BITS:** _jack says i should give you some space but if you don’t answer by tomorrow at 11am, I’m coming over!!!_  
**BITS:** _i hope you’re both okay_

 **>**   _don’t worry, man. it’s all good. idk what’s going on w her, really.  
**>**  she cried again last night so like idk. shes got some shit to work out._

 **JACK:** _so eric told me what happened, i’m here if you need me._  


**>** _thanks man. i’ll call if i need you. good luck tonight._

**PARSE:** _So Bitty’s concerned about you, which means Alexei is concerned._ _And if Alexei is concerned, I am too._ _Jack says you just need some space but whatever. Just let me know if you need anything. I know I wasn’t there when Larissa left, and I only learned about this three years ago, but I’m here for you, Knight. So is Alexei._

 **PARSE:** _Alexei wants me to let you know that I’m also concerned on my own free-will, and not just because he is._

 **PARSE:** _Also, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that Alexei told me to tell you that. Whoops. Just know we care._

 **TATER:** _just ignore kent. he doesnt know what hes saying. tell us if you need anything kk?_

_**>**  thanks guys. i’m okay rn, but i will def let you know if i need anything. nothing has even really happened yet so…w/e._

**TATER:** _ok, but know that we’re here._

The text makes Shitty smile.

 **BITS:**   _wow, okay, wow! heavy stuff. i can whip up a pie or two if you need something to break some tension.  
_**BITS:** _ugh,_   _dex is here and he just told me to tell you to kiss her and deal w that tension first. dramatic eye roll._

 **>**   _lol everyone’s so concerned but idk. i’m p okay. i’ll text you later. tell dex and nursy that i say hi!_

 **BITS:** _love you, dude._

_**>**  love you too._

**PARSE:** _God, this is really dramatic, huh? Jack just called me and asked if I could swing by and check on you._

_**>**  hahah thanks, dude. i think i might still be in shock or smth. i’ll let you and alex know what’s up later. i’m sure it’ll be fine. at this point, she’s an old friend._

**TATER:** _uh shitty, my momma told me that you don’t keep photos of a girl you don’t see anymore around the house if she’s just an old friend…_

 **>**   _omg alex!!! you just made that up, but I’m actually laughing. you’re ridic. and don’t tell your mother about this! miss mashkov doesn’t need to freak me out with her superpowers._

 **TATER:** _if youre sure. she always knows._

Shitty’s smiling when he puts his phone down. Yes, Alexei’s mom did happen to have freakishly good insight and observational skills. More than once, Alexei has told him something his mom has said and she’s turned out to be right.

He doesn’t want to know what Miss Mashkov would have to say about this.

“Good morning,” Larissa’s soft voice comes. Shitty turns to look at her. She’s wearing his big sweater that goes mid-thigh.

“Morning,” Shitty murmurs back. “You’re wearing it.”

“Thank you.” She plays with the hem of the sweater. “I woke up and realized that I didn’t pack myself a sweater to sleep in. At least, not a good one like this.”

Shitty nods, unsure what to say to that. “Breakfast?”

“Please.” Larissa walks over to his kitchen island. She hops onto a stool. “Do you need help?”

“No, no, you relax.”  _Because all I’ve ever wanted to do is make you breakfast first thing in the morning with you sitting on that stool in my sweater._  Shitty swallows, turning away so he can collect himself. He grabs his frying pan and sets out to get to work. “About last night…”

“Yes?” she asks, her voice small.

“Do you really think your core has changed?” Shitty opens the fridge. He can’t look at her now. He doesn’t know what to expect, and he doesn’t want to know if she looks upset.

“Yes,” she says. “I’m not the same person you used to know.”

“Right, but I thought the core theory we had meant that no matter what happens, your core self doesn’t ever really change. Like, who you are will come out in any situation you’re in. Even if you’re faking. You’re still  _you_  when you’re pretending to be someone else or to feel something else. You’re the one who can pretend to be whatever in only a way that  _you_  can pretend.”

He doesn’t say anything else. As he cracks eggs into the frying pan, Larissa speaks up. “I know. I know. And I agree with all of that. But…I can’t be who I once was.”

“No one expects you to be,” Shitty answers, opening a drawer. “In fact, mostly, people just want to see you again. They’re going to have more questions than I did, so be prepared.”

“I know. You’ve always been more patient than them.”

Shitty glances at her now. “I’ve always known everything about you before them. But I will not pressure you. I’m sorry that you almost died. And I’m sorry that you had to come back to this. It’s not an interesting adventure. But Lardo, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here. I can’t pretend that you didn’t break me. I can’t pretend that I haven’t missed you and cursed your name in the next breath every day since you walked away. And I…”

Shitty takes a deep breathe, putting his focus back on breakfast.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can spend any more time talking about this. I just want to be with my..with…with my best friend.”

Larissa meets his eyes now. She holds them; her faze steady as can be. “Shitty, I…what if I can never be the person you cared about?”

Shitty snorts. “Lardo, you’re  _never_  going to be the person I cared about. That girl is gone. She’s turned into a gorgeous woman. I don’t want that Lardo. I want the Larissa who tells me about all of her adventures. Tells me about the things she’s seen, things she’s learned, and tells me what’s on her mind. Now. I want to know who you are. Now. I knew you back then. I don’t care about that you. I want to know  _this_  you _.”_

“Shitty, I–”

“Let’s not talk about this anymore. Let’s pretend that it never happened. Let’s pretend you didn’t tell me not to forget about you when you forgot about me. Let’s just…let’s just be friends.”

“I–” Larissa’s shoulders fall. “Okay, if that’s what you want. Please, tell me what you’ve been doing. More about your life. That kind of thing.”

Shitty carries on, making them her favourite breakfast. Some things don’t change, no matter how much time has passed by. He starts talking about his job, and how much he enjoys it. He rattles off random stories and tidbits about the people they know. He starts telling her about his newest friends, but he makes a point to let her know that it’s the Samwell boys that have his full attention. Well, he supposes they’re not all Samwell boys. The hockey guys. The college friends. They’re the ones who stuck by him, and vice versa.

He talks about how much time he spends with Jude and Jackie, and how maybe he’d like his own kids one day. Shitty tells her all about Bitty’s booming pie bakery, and how Jack’s coach is constantly confiscating the pies Jack brings with him (and of course, eating the pie in her office).

Shitty talks and talks. He has to fill the room with noise, because he’s pretty sure he might break if there’s even a moment of silence. Larissa, to her credit, doesn’t point this out. Instead, she nods and asks the occasional question - and she laughs at all the right times.

By the time they’ve finished breakfast, Shitty tells her that he should head into the office today. She looks put out by the news.

“But, I–yeah, okay. You said you’re now a social worker?” Larissa asks, scrunching her nose. She always does that when she’s unsure of herself. Shitty nods.

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple of tough cases this week, so I’ve got to put in some extra hours. You understand, right?”

She nods, but he can see the hurt written on her face. Well, tough. It’s almost nine in the morning. He has a couple of meetings and he has to follow up on one of his kids. Larissa looks at him, with her eyes wide, and a look of uncertainty.

“What’s mine is yours. Feel free to make yourself at home,” Shitty tells her. He doesn’t add,  _just like you used to._  “If you need anything, there’s an Emergency Contact list on the fridge. My number’s on it - sometimes shit comes up and I have to get the neighbour to watch Jackie and Jude.”

Larissa nods, as if she’s taking her time processing all the information. Shitty glances at the clock and realizes it’s later than he’d originally thought.

“Shit. I gotta go. I’m going to be late for a meeting - see you tonight. I’ll pick up some take out or something on my way home.” Then Shitty’s grabbing his cell phone, keys, and wallet. He rushes out the door without letting Larissa get a chance to say a word.

He kind of feels shitty about that, but he knows he needs to focus on the kid he has to help this morning. So he pushes all thoughts of Larissa out of his mind. Bennett Ford needs him most right now.

 

**x x x**

He half expects Larissa to have packed up and left by the time he gets home. He picked up some pizza and wings, but Shitty hadn’t remembered her pizza order. Funny how some things stuck and some things suddenly didn’t seem so important. Shitty pushes his front door open, hearing the sound of the TV before he spies Larissa curled up on the couch.

She peers over the back of the couch to look at him. “Hi.”

Her voice is small. Tired. And Shitty just wants to make it better.

“I brought home pizza and wings,” Shitty sets down his briefcase. “You hungry?”

“Yes, oh my god!” Larissa pauses whatever she’s watching to climb over the couch. She snatches the pizza box from him, opening it up. Her eyes fill with a little disappointment; Shitty couldn’t miss it. But she doesn’t say a word about the fact that Shitty definitely didn’t remember her favourite pizza toppings. Instead, she says, “I’ll go grab plates and napkins and…um. Well, I’ll grab them if you tell me where they are.”

“Didn’t you snoop today?” Shitty asks, with a small laugh. He follows her into the kitchen.

“Well, of course I did. A little bit. I had to fend for myself, make some lunch. But I didn’t snoop through anything other than your Netflix.” She gives him a bright smile that doesn’t quite make it to her eyes. “Um, and Eric stopped by. Said he wanted me to tell you to give him a call. Something about babysitting Jackie and Jude. I told him I could if you couldn’t, and he told me that he needed someone reliable. Someone who wouldn’t disappear when it matters the most.”

Shitty freezes at this. His shoulders drop. “Larissa, I’m sorry. You didn’t just hurt me when you left.”

She nods. “I know. I know that. But..”

“C’mon, let’s not be so heavy and emotional all the time.” Larissa’s lips part. Shitty puts a finger over them. “I got honey garlic chicken wings.”

Her eyes light up at this.

“Let’s go finish watching whatever dumb action movie you’ve put on my Netflix.”

Larissa laughs at this. “Uh, Shitty, do I need to mention that I discovered that most of your Netflix recommendations are for more rom-coms or kids’ movies?”

Shitty shoots her a grin, before he grabs them some napkins and ushers her out of the kitchen.

Spending time with Larissa makes him relax. Just a little. 

His meeting with Bennett’s foster parents didn’t go very well today. They were rude, and very abrupt. Something is wrong, Shitty’s gut is screaming at him, but he couldn’t figure it out. The inspection went well. Even though, he swear he saw Bennett pleading for help with his eyes.

He tries his best to let it go when Larissa finishes eating and curls herself up against him. He absentmindedly pets her hair.

 

**x x x**

“I don’t know,” Shitty says, staring down at his report. He’d gone to his manager to discuss his gut feeling. Of course, he already knew that he’d be told that legally they can’t do anything if they didn’t fail the inspection. Shitty holds the report out to Jane, and murmurs, “Jane, I really think you need to send a follow-up inspection. Say I missed filling out a section. Go yourself. If you don’t think there’s something off, then I’ll let it go.”

Jane studies him. “Okay. I can do that. We’ll go after lunch. Surprise visit. You’ll stay in the car.”

“Okay.” Shitty breathes a sigh of relief. Jane looks down at the inspection form and smiles. “What?”

“You actually  _did_  forget to fill out a part. It’s almost like you wanted this to happen.”

He doesn’t confirm or deny it. Instead, he gives her a wink, and heads back to his desk. He has some more paperwork to do, so he settles into his chair. Before he starts, he double checks his cell phone. He’s paranoid about missing calls, but Jane doesn’t like cell phones in her office. She’s been through some shit and whenever someone’s ringer goes off, she gets real pale.

He’s surprised to see a message from a unknown number. It can only be Larissa.

 **LARDO:**   _hey… I was wondering if you would maybe want to go out tonight?_  
**LARDO:** _not like a date, just..dinner. nbd._  
**LARDO:** _oh god i’m screwing this all up. forget i asked. i know you’re already doing so much for me as it is. have i properly thanked you for that? probably not. but thank you. i appreciate how kind you’ve been to me._

 **BITTY:** _I kind of snapped at L yesterday. I didn’t mean to, Shitty. I just had a hard time seeing her there. Jack told me we should have a dinner party this weekend and that L should come. Thoughts??_

 **BLOCKED ID:** _i need ur help_

Everything goes cold in Shitty’s core. He shoots up from his desk and runs to Jane’s office. He pushes her office door open, grabbing on the door frame and swinging himself in. “Jane, we have to go. I think it’s Bennett.”

Jane seems startled but then he holds his phone out to her. She skims it and looks back up at him. “You think this is Bennett?”

“I do. I left him a note yesterday. In his bedroom. Just casually dropped it. With my name and number. Just in case.”

Jane smiles. “You’re very clever, Knight. C’mon, let’s go.”

Shitty doesn’t have energy in him to respond to his friends…or well, his friend, and then whatever Larissa is to him. He’s anxious that Jane drives. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but his gut is screaming at him.

When Shitty had first met Bennett, he’d already been with this stupid foster family. His social worker before him had placed him there. Shitty had hung out with Bennett a couple of times. He’s twelve years old, smart as a whip, and he’s hilarious. However, yesterday, the light wasn’t in his eyes. Shitty hates that.

Some people are not meant to be foster parents.

Some people don’t understand what it’s like to truly care for a kid.

When they pull in front of the house, Jane reminds him that he is to stay in the car. He agrees, but promises her that if he hears anything, he’s coming in. She nods and heads up the walkway. Shitty gets out of the car, shuts the door, and leans against it. Jane knocks and quietly speaks with the foster mother - Kimmy or something. Shitty’s focus had only ever been on Bennett, not the stupid people he lives with.

Then Jane steps inside.

Shitty scans the house, and notices that a curtain is moving on the second floor. Bennett’s window. Shitty stares at it until he sees the kid’s head pop up over the sill. He gives him a small wave, and Bennett tries to say something. Then a hand covers Bennett’s mouth and takes him to the other side of the curtains.

Shitty doesn’t think. He just runs. He doesn’t knock. He barges in, pushes past Jane, and takes the stairs two at a time. Jane follows him - he can hear her heels clicking behind him. Shitty shoves Bennett’s door open.

The older foster brother is standing there, his hand over Bennett’s mouth, his unfocused. Shitty hadn’t ever liked the little brat, Dennis, but he hadn’t had a reason to think he was harming Bennett. He charges forward. “Let go of him right now.”

“No,” Dennis snarls. “This is none of your business.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Jane’s cool voice comes from behind Shitty. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you need to let go of Bennett  _right now_.”

“He’s  _my_  slave!”

Shitty glances back to give Jane a very confused look.  _What the fuck has been going on here? How could they have carefully hidden this until now? How had he missed it?_

Jane narrows her eyes on Dennis. He realizes that she’s taking a very wide path in the bedroom towards them. “Dennis, listen to me. There are police already on their way. They will arrest you. You will go to jail. If you let Bennett go now, you won’t have to spend as much time in jail.”

“You’re lying!”

That’s when Shitty realizes that Dennis has a knife pressed against Bennett’s back. He tries to tell Jane, but her eyes are focused solely on Dennis.

“Now, Dennis, I don’t have much paitence for lying. It’s too hard to keep track of all the lies and then you end up getting caught anyway. I prefer to be transparent. Less miscommunication that way.”

“You get away from our son!” the foster mother shouts. Shitty is surprised it took her so long. Then he realizes that it probably means she spent the time hiding something that she didn’t want Jane or Shitty to see.

The mother does one good thing: she distracts Dennis long enough that Shitty darts towards him and knocks the knife out of his hand. They fall to the floor, and Dennis gets in a couple good punches. But then Shitty’s smarter and all his years of being a hockey player had taught him some tricks.

In a second, he has Dennis pinned underneath him.

There’s a lot of yelling happening, but Bennett is quiet and staring at Shitty. Jane is trying to make the mother quiet down, and trying to explain why her son was going to go to jail. His mother shouts something about the fact that she’s always had a sex slave, and Shitty’s world suddenly becomes a lot of white noise.

The anger rises up within him, but he comes back down when Bennett puts a hand on his shoulder.  Right then and there, Shitty knows what he has to do. 

Once the cops handcuff the foster family to take them in for questioning, and Jane has started making calls to figure out where they can place Bennett for the meantime, Shitty calls up a friend of his.

“Hey, Shitty! What’s up?”

“I need a favour. I need you to appoint me temporary custody of a minor whose foster family just got arrested.”

“Oh shit,” Gina says, whistling. “Yeah, you name it. Get in here as fast as you can, okay? I’ll get Rosa to whip up the proper paperwork.”

“You’re the best. Thank you.” Shitty turns to Jane, who is standing beside Bennett at the back of the paramedics’ truck. “Jane! Gina’s going to give me temporary custody.”

Jane’s shoulders sag with relief.

Bennett rushes over, ignoring the paramedic’s protests, and wraps his arms around Shitty’s waist. “I knew you’d come. I knew you would.”

Shitty’s heart squeezes. He bends down to wrap his arms around the kid. “I will always come for you, Bennett. You have my word. I’m not going to let a bad thing happen to you again. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you out sooner.”

Bennett’s arms are wrapped tightly around Shitty’s neck. “I don’t care. You did it. Thank you. Thank you. They threatened to kill my little sister if I told you what they were doing to me.”

“You have a little sister?” Shitty asks, leaning back with a frown.

“No. They lied.” Bennett’s eyes start to fill up with tears now, and Shitty just continues to hold him close.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re safe now.”

Bennett nods, but the tears don’t stop coming.

 

**x x x**

Shitty completely forgot about Larissa until he’s opening the front door. He sees a sweater of his tossed on the back of the couch. He shuts the door, locking it behind him. Then he looks down at Bennett.

“Alright, kid. I have a friend who is staying here with me. I’m going to go let her know, and then we’re going to move her stuff out of the guest bedroom. Out of  _your_  bedroom. Then we’ll get you settled in. Tomorrow, I have to go into the office for some paperwork stuff, but Jane’s given me permission to leave early. We’re going to go shopping for some stuff.”

Bennett blinks at him. “Mr. Knight, I–”

“Call him Shitty. Everyone else does,” a familiar, and feminine voice comes from behind him. “Who’s your friend, Shitty?”

“This is Bennett Ford. Bennett, this is Larissa. We like to call her Lardo though.” Shitty studies her to see if she’s surprised or confused or angry. Instead, she gives Bennett a welcoming smile. Shitty stage-whispers, “Between you and me, she’s one of the best people on this earth.”

Bennett raises his eyebrows. He quietly says, “Nice to meet you, um. Miss Larissa.”

“Just Lardo will do, kid.”

“And you’re…Shitty?”

Shitty laughs. “I’ve been Shitty as long as I can remember. No one uses my real name anymore. It doesn’t suit me these days. But if saying that word makes you uncomfortable, you can call me Knight.”

“Okay…Shitty. Why Shitty?”

“Ugh, I made one shitty shot in hockey practice and spun out of control, and the name stuck.” Shitty grins. “Alright, just let me talk to Lardo for a moment and then we’ll clear her stuff out so you can settle into your new room.”

Bennett’s face turns red. “Oh no, we don’t have to do that. I can just sleep on the couch. I don’t really–”

“C’mon kid, let me help.”

“You’ve already helped enough and–”

“Bennett,” Lardo says, her voice soft but her tone commanding. “Let Shitty do this for you. If you don’t, he’ll just make it happen anyway.”

“Okay.”

Shitty gives Larissa a grateful smile before they both head upstairs.

“I’ll go to a hotel and–”

“Don’t be stupid, Lardo. I’ve got another bedroom beside the kitchen. It’s not very fancy, and the bed isn’t a queen but a double, but it’s a good mattress. We’re going to move your stuff there. I just want Bennett to be close by me, that’s all.”

“Oh! I just assumed that was like the door to the basement or something. I never actually checked.”

“Bennett’s going to be staying with me indefinitely. I am now his temporary legal guardian.” Shitty shuts the door behind them. “I know you said you’d only stay for another week tops, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d stick around a little longer, and help me out until I can figure out who can watch him during the day when I’m at work. You can say no. It’s a lot to ask of you, especially since our relationship—”

“Yes, of course. You didn’t have to ask. I’m here for you. For you and for Bennett.” Larissa reaches up to put a hand on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere this time, Shitty.”

He wants to trust her, wants to believe her, but he can’t just yet. He leans forward to rest his forehead against hers. “Some day, you will.”

The hurt on her face is heartbreaking. Shitty isn’t even sure why he said it. But he knows it’s probably true. Larissa wasn’t a person who could settle down into a comfortable routine, no. She’s the type of person that needs to spread her wings and fly, even if it seemed impossible.

It doesn’t take long to pack everything up and bring it downstairs to her new room. Shitty takes Bennett up to his new room a while later, and walks him through the house.

“Listen, kid, I only have a few rules that I will not budge on.” Shitty puts his hand on Bennett’s shoulder. “First and foremost, never lie to me and I’ll never lie to you. No matter how shitty the truth is or how hard it is to say, always,  _always_  be honest. Be kind, but honest.”

“I can do that. I think. I’ll try?” Bennett asks, looking up at him.

“That’s all I can ask. Second, if you fuck up - and don’t worry, we all do - you own up to it. And I’ll do the same to you. Taking responsibility for one’s actions isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.” Shitty thinks about Larissa, who’s settling into her new room downstairs. He sits down on Bennett’s bed. “Third, you gotta talk to a therapist.”

“And? What else?”

Shitty shrugs. “We’ll figure out the rest together. As a team.”

“But…that’s all I have to do?” Bennett murmurs, sitting down beside Shitty. “Just be honest, take responsibility, and…see someone?”

“Yep.”

Then Bennett tosses his arms around Shitty, squeezing tight. The moment brings tears to his eyes. He leans his head against Bennett’s because his arms are pressed against his sides. He smiles.

“I’m going to fight to keep custody of you, okay?”

“Really?”

“Really.”

 

**x x x**

“Larissa, could I speak with you?” Shitty asks, leaning against her bedroom door frame. She looks up from her laptop, nods, and closes it. Bennett had gone to bed three hours ago, utterly exhausted from the day’s events.

“Of course,” Larissa says, pushing her laptop away from her. “Did you need me to leave? Or supervise Bennett tomorrow or…?”

Shitty motions to join her on the bed and she pulls her legs up to let him. “I owe you an apology.”

She blinks, as if she needs a moment to register what he’s saying. “Sorry?”

“With everything that happened with Bennett today, I was giving him some basic rules. Like be honest, take responsibility for your mistakes and actions and words and… I realized I haven’t been fair to you. You leaving wasn’t the reason I’ve been so angry at you.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No. I was angry at myself, I think, for not going with you. Or not asking you to stay. I let you go without telling you how I felt. Without giving you all the facts. Without letting you know that I was madly and desperately in love with you.” Shitty looks away from her; he can’t bare to see her reaction. “Before you left, before you made the decision to leave, you asked me what we were. I said friends.”

Larissa leans forward, grabs one of his hands, and covers it with both of hers. “Shitty. I knew you were in love with me. I didn’t know if I was in love with you.”

He lets out a little laugh of disbelief. “Of course you knew. I’d be naive to think you didn’t. I just…do you think you could forgive me? For being a jerk and for…not really realizing why you had to go.”

She shrugs. “Shitty, I don’t blame you for being angry with me. It’s not like I didn’t know what I was leaving behind. What I was risking. But I had to go. I had to see what else was out there - who else I could be.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Larissa looks down at her hands instead of responding. Shitty doesn’t know what to make of that, so he turns and leaves her room. He’d said what he’d needed to say, and for right now, that’s all he could do.

**x x x**

 

“Dude,” Jack says, coming up to Shitty in the kitchen. He puts his hand on the lower part of Shitty’s back. Shitty glances at him, and follows his gaze to look out the window. Larissa, Jackie, Jude, Eric, Kent, and Alexei are playing football in the yard. Bennett is the one who’s running with the ball now. “What the hell is going on?”

“Hmm?” Shitty asks, watching Bennett dodge Alexei to throw the ball to Jackie. Larissa starts jumping, cheering for her. When Jackie scores a touch down, Larissa and Bennett go wild. 

Jack circles around to lean his back against the kitchen counter.

“Why has Lardo been living with you for  _six_  weeks now?” Jack studies Shitty’s face carefully, and doesn’t press him any further. He just waits, patient as always.

Shitty turns off the tap and dries his hands on a dish towel. “Because she has no where else to go.”

“Bull shit. She could’ve moved back in with her parents. Found her own place by now. It’s like you’re both playing house.” Jack’s expression tells Shitty that he’s worried.

“I…” Shitty shrugs. “She’s been helping me out with Bennett.”

“Mmm,” Jack says. “Bennett, who has been hanging out with Jude and Jackie? Bennett who will be going to school in two weeks? Bennett, who despite all the shit he’s been through, has managed to seem like a totally well-adjusted kid? That Bennett?”

“It’s fine. It’s been nice having her around.” Shitty pauses before adding, “And honestly? He only seems well-adjusted because he’s been going to therapy once a day. And Larissa is the one who has been taking him there.”

“Once a day? Isn’t that excessive?”

“Well, it’s just until school starts. Then he can do once or twice a week. But right now, we want him to be as open and honest about everything. The therapist is compiling a list of incidents and…well, we’re going to take it to court. Bennett has agreed to this.”

“Tough kid you’ve got there, Knight.”

“Yeah.” Shitty feels a sense of pride as he looks back out the window. Bennett is laughing. That was a new development as of last week, but one that the three of them celebrated with ice cream…and then a food fight when they got home and Larissa burnt the chicken.

Jack doesn’t say anything for a moment, but before he leaves the kitchen, “You know, I’ll admit, it’s nice seeing you content. But don’t settle because Larissa walked back into your life. Trust me, it’s worth going all in.”

Shitty grunts, but he keeps his eyes on Bennett and Larissa. They’re both tackling Eric with Jackie and Jude. A smile creeps up on his face and it doesn’t go away until he falls asleep later that night.

 

**x x x**

 

Larissa has been back for eight months now, and hasn’t left Shitty’s house. He doesn’t mind; she fits so perfectly. Just like Bennett has. 

Shitty hasn’t made a move on Larissa, even though every time he looks at her, he wants to kiss her. Right now, Bennett needs some stability in his life and if Shitty kisses her…there’s no guarantee that she’ll stay.

Although, this might help change her mind about running.

“What are you–” Larissa’s words die on her lips. She takes a step back. “What’s all this?”

Shitty glances up, before brushing some hair out of his face. “Hey. You weren’t supposed to be home for another half hour.”

Larissa rubs her arm. “Knight…what’s going on?”

He straightens and glances around the room. Damn, he has to admit, he’s done a pretty good job with everything. The candles light the room, there’s champagne, cake, and a sign that he still needs to hang up.

“I was going to tell you together, but…I’ve been approved to officially adopt Bennett.”

“What!” Larissa beams. “Oh my god! I’m so happy for you!”

She rushes over, throwing her arms around his neck. He smiles into her hair, lifting her feet off the ground.

“But wait…this is…a bit sophisticated for Bennett, don’t you think? I mean…you have flowers, for fuck’s sake.”

“Well, uh. See. Hang on. He’s gonna be so pissed if I ruin the surprise.”

“What? I don’t understand what is happening.”

“Dad!” Bennett calls from the other room. The kitchen. Where he’s currently fixing them up dinner. Shitty stills. “Can you come check on the chicken?”

“Dad?” Larissa mouths.

“Sure, kid. Um. Lardo’s here!”

“Noooo!” Bennett shouts, as he comes flying through the kitchen door. “Can you like…give us twenty minutes and come back?”

“I think the surprise is mostly ruined, kiddo. Why don’t we hold up the sign and see what happens?” Shitty asks, with a shrug.

“Okay. Okay.”

Shitty grabs one end, carefully hands the other end to Bennett. Slowly, they unroll the sign.

Larissa reads it once. Then twice. And then she puts her hand to her mouth. There are tears slipping down her face before she manages to nod.

_Will you be my mother?_

“Yes!” Bennett shouts, dropping his side of the sign so he can go hug Larissa. “The last year has been so great, and I can’t imagine anyone else in my life.”

Larissa’s crying and she’s hugging Bennett when Shitty leaves them alone to hash it out. He checks on the chicken and starts to plate their food.

 

**x x x**

 

“Hey, could I come in?” Larissa’s voice comes from outside his bedroom door. He walks over to let her in, shutting the door quietly behind her. Shitty’s surprised she’s still awake. Lately, she’d been working so hard that she’s been in bed by nine. It’s well past one in the morning.

“What’s up?”

“You’re okay with me also adopting Bennett?” she asks, eyes wide with worry.

“Of course. I wouldn’t have supported the party otherwise.”

“But that means that I’d be living here on a permanent basis. Bennett told me that that’s the agreement your lawyer settled on with the adoption agency or whatever. Because Bennett told them that we were both like his parents.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yes.”

Larissa looks up at him. Somehow, she’s only a few inches away from him. She puts her hand on his chest. “You’re a good man, B–Knight.”

“Lardo,” he whispers. It’s almost a plea. “Look. I. It’s just…”

“What?” Larissa starts to play with the top button on his pajama shirt. He wonders if she can hear his heart beating. She keeps her focus on his button. “Whatever you need to tell me, I’m listening. I’m not going to run. Not this time, Shitty.”

His lips twitch. He loves the way she calls him Shitty. Loves the way it sounds so good coming from her lips. He swallows, because she’s got a hold of his shirt now. “Things changed really fast when you showed up on my doorstep.”

“I know. Suddenly, your ex is living with you and you have a new…son.” She looks up at him now. His heart pounds faster when she undoes the top button she’d been playing with. She runs a fingernail along his chest there.

“I can’t promise things won’t get boring sometimes,” Shitty whispers. “And I can’t promise you that things will be easy. Bennett and I sat down and had a real man-to-man conversation. He told me he really wanted a mother and father. And that he’s happy with us.” 

Shitty takes a deep breath; Larissa had undone another button.

“He asked if I could be his dad.”

“He’s a great kid.”

“Yeah. And when he asked if you could be his mother, because you’ve helped him so much, and you yell him like a mother, and you take care of him like a mother should take care of their son, and he loves you…I made him a promise.”

“Okay.”

“That I’d ask his soon-to-be mother out on a date.”

Larissa pops a third button on his shirt. “Now, if you were paying attention at all, you’d know that I’ve already come to this conclusion. When you said that you were okay with me living here. Officially. And you’d realize that I’m trying to seduce you.”

He swallows. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she whispers, her hot breath near his neck. She stands on her tip toes to run her lips across his collarbone. She finishes unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off him with one quick move. Larissa’s eyes light up when she takes in the view of his chest. He hadn’t really gotten out of that whole skinny, lanky phase, but he’d filled out a bit. “I’m so sorry that I ever left you, Shitty.”

He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her in close. Shitty kisses her forehead, because he wants her to know that he forgives her. “I don’t want to think about it. I want to think about the future we should have.”

Larissa jumps, throwing her arms around his neck. He straightens, pulling her up so she can wrap her legs around his waist. She leans back, but he’s got her small frame in a sturdy grip.

“I thought about you every damn day I was gone,” she whispers. “Every damn day. You were never off my mind. I was so scared to come back and find you settled with someone and maybe you had kids without me. I couldn’t handle it if that had been the case.”

He studies her. “So why did you? Come back?”

Larissa runs her soft fingertips down his face. “Because when I almost died, I didn’t just want to be somewhere safe and stable. I just wanted to be with you. And I needed to know that I had done everything I could.”

“Lardo,” he says, his voice soft.

She has tears in her eyes, but she quietly says, “I would’ve given up everything just to kiss you again. To be able to tell you that I love you. I love you, and only you. That I know I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you. Undeniably. Irrevocably. Endlessly. Stupidly.”

“Stupidly?”

Larissa laughs. “Yes. I’m stupidly in love with you.”

“I have to say,” Shitty says, feeling tears in his eyes too. “That’s the best rom-com speech  _ever_  given.”

She grins.

“Hey, Lardo?”

“Mmm?”

“Will you join me in bed?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

**x x x**

“You still haven’t told me,” Larissa whispers, long after they’ve exhausted themselves. Shitty keeps his arms wrapped around her tightly, kissing the back of her head.

“Haven’t you figured it out by now? Loving you is all I know,” Shitty murmurs. “I love you, Larissa. I’m in love with you. You are, and will always be, the only one for me. You were worried once that your core had changed, but I can assure you…your core self is the reason I fell in love with you the first time. It’s why I never fell out. You may have changed with the years we spent apart, but you are Lardo. And I will love you. Always.”

She snuggled into him even more. “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

He smiles into her hair.

“I promise I’m not going anywhere this time.”

“Marry me.”

 

**x x x**

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted [here](https://veronicabunch.tumblr.com/post/165457613547/loving-you-is-all-i-know-shitty-b).


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